Tag Archives: humor

Ellie Campbell's Random Animal Facts

onmybookshelf – I Heart Chick Lit

To Catch a Creeper

The cat incident in To Catch A Creeper actually happened to a cat that Pam owned named Parker who closely resembled Cathy’s cat, Tic Tac.

Yes, we – Pam Burks and Lorraine Campbell (aka Ellie Campbell) – are total animal lovers.  Not that animals have always loved us back…

 Ellie Campbell’s random animal facts

1.      Lorraine drove 18 hours to Kansas City and back to adopt a whoodle (got to love that name) named Remy, a wheaten terrier/poodle cross.  His misdeeds include eating the passenger’s seat of her brand new car, killing rabbits and burying dead voles in the marital bed.  He is also unbearably cute.

 2.     Pam has a tiny border terrier called Milly whose life’s ambition is to battle rottweilers and capture a fox. One of the sisters in “How to Survive Your Sisters” was named after her, yet they look nothing alike.

3.      Pam and Lorraine’s first dog was a wayward mongrel called Tippy who chased motorbikes, fought with male dogs and amorously pursued every bitch in town, hopping on and off buses, unescorted.  When about to move to England, the parents seized the excuse to find him another home at a distant farm.  They dropped him off, despite wails and protests, only to discover him back at the house within hours.  Clearly his knowledge of the bus system extended also to rural routes. 

 4.      Pam and Lorraine also owned rabbits, keeping the two does in a large aviary in the garden, separated from the buck called Dylan, who still somehow managed to procreate, bringing the total from three to nineteen with astonishing speed.  Pam liked to walk them on a leash in the local graveyard and turn them loose for exercise.  They would follow her around, leaping in the air.

5.      The two sisters were always horse obsessed, galloping down the street on their imaginary steeds, slaving and mucking out stalls in the local stables to cadge free rides. After leaving school they pooled their meager wages to buy a hot-blooded Anglo Arab named Eagle Star, often borrowing a scruffy old mule so they could ride together.  Lorraine and Star once had the unnerving experience of a hot air balloon descending straight at them, with the occupant screaming to get out of his way.  It added a whole new dimension to “hazards of the trail”.

6.      Pam and Lorraine used to win money at local fairs betting on their friend’s donkey, Bilbo Baggins, until the bookmakers wised up to his talents.  It was still an uncertain race because although extremely fast Bilbo had trouble turning corners and his jockey frequently fell off.

7.      Beside the horse, Eagle Star, Pam has owned or lived with cats, dogs, goats, fish, hamsters, rabbits, budgies, Java finches, chickens, lizards, snakes and rats.  Her least favorite was the python that thanks to father/son collusion was purchased with her very reluctant consent.  As soon as the men of the family went away on a camping trip, the python escaped.  Pam spent the rest of the weekend being afraid… very afraid.

8.      Lorraine has owned hamsters, horses, rabbits, cats, dogs, budgies, cockatiels, chickens, Indian runner ducks.  Her least favorite were the Indian runner ducks who lived up to their name by running in a panic whenever she approached. 

9.      Pam once frightened a house guest when he awoke to see an escaped hamster gnawing through a hole in the ceiling.

 

10.    Lorraine once went to throw a stick into the fireplace and realized it was a huge bull snake that had come in unnoticed when she fetched the wood.


12.    Pam was the first rider to mount Lorraine’s young feisty mare Luna in her early days of training.   They achieved half a dozen steps before Luna threw a monumental bucking fit and ejected Pam into the dirt. Pam was not impressed by Lorraine’s training.

 

13.    Lorraine was once on an elephant ride in Rajasthan when she persuaded the mahout to let her swap places.  No sooner was she perched behind its ears, when the elephant whirled and charged a man walking close by.  She realized then it had no brakes and she didn’t know the command for stop.

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14.  Pam once galloped around the Great Pyramid in Egypt on a runaway horse. She enjoyed it immensely.

 

14.    Lorraine once opened her barn door with cat food in hand, calling ‘kitty, kitty’ only to see a very large face emerge from the hay, followed by the rest of a magnificent bobcat who casually hopped out of an open stall door.  Her barn cats were all in hiding hoping to avoid becoming that morning’s meal.

15. Pam once had her shoes chewed on by rats when staying in a crummy hotel in Burma.

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16.    Lorraine and Pam both have the dubious distinction of having being charged and tossed in the air by cows. Pam in Delhi, Lorraine in Scotland. Neither knows why.

17.    Since moving to Colorado Lorraine has encountered raccoons, coyotes, skunks, rattlesnakes, bullsnakes, black widow spiders, bobcat, bear, elk, moose and mountain lions.  The mountain lions were outside her bedroom window.  For a while she stopped wandering outside to admire the night sky.

18.  Raccoons used to frequently break into Lorraine’s laundry room every night looking for a free meal.  A nervous friend living temporarily in Lorraine’s basement once called the sheriff when she heard sinister dragging sounds.  Turned out raccoons were having trouble attempting to haul a 50 lb tub of kibble out through the dog door.

19.     Pam had a fabulous cat called Parker who lived to the age of twenty-one. He was top “dog” amongst the other two dogs she had at the time and would condescendingly pat them on the head if they deigned to walk past.  He was originally a stray and not pretty but as he’d been at the rescue centre the longest, he was next in line for euthanasia and she felt compelled to take him home. If you stroked him in the wrong way, he would turn and scratch you hard, showing no mercy.

20.    Lorraine’s husband is not a cat lover and for a while banned felines, claiming to be allergic, but somehow they now own five, three in the barn, two in the house.  The house cats like to bring live mice indoors and let them escape.  Remy, the whoodle, then goes crazy tearing apart furniture to find them.  Lorraine swears the cats are sniggering. 

Thank you for stopping by!!!

 via To Catch a Creeper by Ellie Campbell / Book Review + Guest Post | onmybookshelf – I Heart Chick Lit.

To Catch A Creeper…the official singing and dancing launch party…

Hooray, it’s finally here.  Publication day for our brand new novel!!!    To Catch A Creeper: A Crouch End Confidential Mystery.  Bring out the balloons and the dancing girls.

(Or rather since we can’t afford dancing girls, click here to see EllieAy Caramba Campbell celebrate in style.   Margaritas anyone?)

And if your favorite words are ‘free’ and ‘almost free’  don’t miss the two very special offers further down this page…

“TO CATCH A CREEPER: A CROUCH END CONFIDENTIAL MYSTERY”

Yes, our favorite dysfunctional wife and mother, Cathy O’Farrell, is on the loose again… this time taking on the advertising world and also seeking to discover the identity of a notorious burglar, known to the press as the Crouch End Creeper.

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Of course being Cathy things never go quite as planned but you can bet there’ll be plenty of laughs, surprises and twists and turns along the rocky way…

(Those burglars can be tricky… even murderous at times.  Always popping up where least expected…  ) And talking of unexpected, as hinted above…

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ALMOST FREE…in UK and USA

LOOKING FOR LA LA 

All this week – 24th to 30th March – we’re reducing the price globally of our #3 humor bestseller Looking for La La in kindle edition to  the bargain price of .99 (cents or pence.) And don’t forget, you can get kindle apps for your smartphone, computer, i-pad or nook.  And if that wasn’t bargain enough…

WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT…?

A GIFT FOR OUR US READERS

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FREE FOR JUST A FEW DAYS.   We’re offering How To Survive Your Sisters for free download Wed 26 March to Sunday 30th March on Amazon.com.  (Sorry, doesn’t apply to Amazon UK but soon, very soon…)

And, man, do we know all about the joys and pains of sisterhood…

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Thanks for celebrating launch day with us,

Lorraine and Pam

La La at #3 in Amazon.com Humor…

More than a few of our reviews have suggested ‘Looking For La La‘ is quite the wild ride…

‘..total Mayhem from beginning to end…’

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But never more than this week! Thanks to our 99 cent promotion  ‘Looking For La La’ has jumped into the top 10 in all three categories, including #3 in Amazon.com women’s fiction humor.  And up to #138 in overall Kindle US charts.

That means we’ve almost made it into Top 100… with another 5 days to go…

 ‘Thrilling, Gripping and Unique 

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And puts our little indie chicklit mystery in with some mighty big fishes…

Laughs galore but also a murderous undertone…’

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Enough to put a grin on all our faces.

 ‘amazingly funny, brilliant and entertaining..’

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While  ‘full of mystery, gossip and secrets..’ –

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and ‘Filled with great characters…’

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everyone agrees that LOOKING FOR LA LA is

Literally a laugh out loud kind of book! ‘  G85A1832

So thanks from Pam and Lorraine to all our friends, reviewers and bloggers, everyone who bought, downloaded, gifted, shared… SP_A0251 IMG_1099

And we’re not done yet.  If you’re in the US you can still buy Looking For La La for a mere 99 cents until February 24th..

So if you haven’t already…

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‘Go on an amazingly funny, brilliant and entertaining ride with Cathy and her crazy cast of friends and neighbors!’

Pam Burks: My Heart Belongs to ………. | The Love Of A Good Book

Pam Burks: My Heart Belongs to ………. THE ISLE OF SKYE

Every holiday throughout my childhood, my family would squeeze into our wreck of a car and drive the 250 odd miles to our grandma’s home on the Isle of Skye – birthplace of my dad and his parents and their parents and so on.

Growing up in Edinburgh was brilliant, no question. I’d gangs of friends, played out all day, dodging cars and strange-looking men. I’d climb church roofs with killer drops, clamber to the top of great high oak trees, coming home only when it grew dark. So why did I long for Skye so much?

I’d have sleepless nights beforehand. Ached to get there.

The journey was horrendous, all five passengers taking turns with the sick bag. The roads were windy, bumpy, some of them mere dirt tracks, but as soon as we reached the Kyle of Lochalsh car ferry, I knew I was almost home.

I’d leave the car and breathe deeply, as we made the crossing, absorbing the sweet scent of the peat-burning fires emanating from chimneys of the whitewashed houses dotting the landscape.

We’d arrive at my grandma’s house, late at night. The beds would have been warmed with the stone hot water bottles, a fire would burn in the range. I’d crash out the minute my head hit the pillow and next morning, I’d squint open my eyes and know I was in heaven.

To me, the freedom here seemed even greater. There was only one family living nearby, but they had five kids, so with my three sisters, I’d eight ready-made playmates alongside all the chickens, cats, dogs, sheep and cows.

We’d fish for crabs, go on boat trips to empty the lobster creels and spend hours messing around in the rockpools. We’d wade through peat bogs, stand perilous close to crumbly clifftops and take dips in the cold North sea. Once I had to swim like crazy as a huge fin appeared ten feet from where I was bathing. Turned out to be a harmless basking shark.

I’d follow heather tracks for miles, knock on any door and the householders would usher me inside, clucking away about how they’d known my dad since he was a “wee bairn”.

Last year, I returned with some of my family. Part holiday, part research. I was afraid I’d be disappointed. Our childhood friends had moved away. Some had died. Our family croft and the house I knew as my second home had long since sold. There was now even a bridge to the mainland. Where was the romantic ideal of “over the sea to Skye”?

Wasn’t a great start. I found out that I booked in one of the busiest holiday periods on the island as the Highland Games had just finished. I expected hordes of people, crowded shops and tourist sights, with the capital Portree changed beyond recognition. I was worried we’d be bored.

How surprised I was.

We visited Dunvegan castle, drank in fabulous pubs, danced at ceilidhs (where I was flung around the dancefloor by kilted members of a Chicago Piper band).

We sailed the bay to see white-tailed sea eagles soaring high above us and seals playing in the water.

We walked around the magnificent Cuillin mountains and picnicked beside the Fairy Pools.

Yes there was a bridge, but the ferry still ran. Yes it was busy, but there weren’t the hordes of tourists I expected. Maybe because each passing place on the narrow roads, is its own beauty spot. The scenery was outstanding.

I travelled back as I’d arrived, via the ferry, but no sooner had the boat left shore than I was aching again to return, knowing that I was leaving my home.

My heart belongs there.

Oh wow, I’m still amazed by that shark. Thank you so much for sharing Pam

via Pam Burks: My Heart Belongs to ………. | The Love Of A Good Book.

ORDER YOUR COPY OF ‘TO CATCH A CREEPER ON MARCH 24TH.

Frothy Reads Review: Looking For La La by Ellie Campbell

Frothy Reads review for Looking For La La  – now only 99c. 

Ellie Campbell is actually a team of two sisters who kindly offered me a review copy, which I had to decline…. because I’d already bought it! It’s akin to recently reviewed Goodness, Grace and Me in general theme- batty housewife investigates possibly cheating husband and uncovers all sorts of neighbourhood shenanigans. Luckily I read a palate cleanser inbetween to avoid confusion.

Kooks for your Kindle?– There’s almost an overabundance of characters here, it’s quite a busy book. Everyone is well characterised though, and everyone’s a possibility in the hunt for La La: Many varied mum friends, some old friends, some random acquaintances. Declan is Cathy’s stressed husband who is mostly on board with Cathy’s scatty nature, but has his impatient moments and he’s oblivious to the manipulations of his assistant at work. Raz is an old mate who enjoys a child-free, career-minded life while temporarily inhabiting Cathy’s loft conversion, while Rupert is her boyfriend who seems to have a creepy fixation on Cathy.

The Bella-Swan-Pathetically-Self-Sacrificing-Factor- Cathy begins the tale as a rudderless housewife, struggling with domestic chaos even though her kids are at school and she has a weekly cleaning lady. Although her husband Declan first fell for her nuttiness, he’s running out of patience now and is pressuring her to rejoin the paid masses. Despite Cathy’s loopiness, she has her feet on the ground some of the time, has a refreshing outlook on life and can put away an impressive amount of alcohol. She’s kind and good to her friends, bordering on too soft especially where creepy Rupert is concerned. Now that I think of it, she reminds me of an older, domesticated Bridget Jones- I’ll have to read her latest to check.

Evaluation of your eBook?- For such a frothy book it has a cast of thousands, and more red herrings than sea world. If you can guess whodunnit before the end, bravo, I was certainly still guessing. I did like Cathy, even though her insane decision making made me shout at her occasionally. There’s a lovable collection of extras, almost all of whom are suspects at some point, and made for a warm, chaotic, dramatic and funny read.

Frothy Ranking: 4/5 cocktails.

via Frothy Reads.

Indie Book Of The Day Award – When Good Friends Go Bad by Ellie Campbell

Hey, we won a badge and a certificate!

When Good Friends Goes Bad becomes The Indie Book of the Day for 20th of January

Royal Certificates

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via When Good Friends Go Bad by Ellie Campbell | Indie Book of the Day.

Rabid Readers Reviews – Book Blogging Fun for the Person Who Loves to Read

HUGE thanks to Rabid Readers Reviews for making Looking For La La one of their favorite Rabid Readers Reads of 2013. To find out who else made the list, click the link below…

Rabid Readers Reviews

Book Blogging Fun for the Person Who Loves to Read

Best Rabid Readers Reads of 2013!

The best of the year is one of my favorite posts to do but its also one of the most difficult. How do I narrow down the many outstanding novels that I read this year to the best? What follows are some of my favorite reads this year in no particular order and if any fall into your genre, you should pick them up. These are novels that deserve to be read.

Looking for La La by Ellie Campbell: A UK based story of a woman whose husband receives postcards and goes on a quest to discover if he’s cheating. The story was funny, strange and everything that is right with chick lit.

Click here to read my review.

via Rabid Readers Reviews – Book Blogging Fun for the Person Who Loves to Read.

HO HO HO – Have a very merry 'Ellie' Christmas… free books and more…

Happy Christmas, everyone,  from Ellie Campbell (Pam Burks and Lorraine Campbell.)  We’re putting up tinsel and uncorking the sherry.  And in the spirit of the season… IMG_1066

—AMAZON USA PROMOTION– ELLIE CAMPBELL FOR FREE!

TWO very special promotions this Christmas for all you US kindle owners..

First… WHEN GOOD FRIENDS GO BAD is on sale from December 20th to January 3rd for ONLY 99 cents!

IMG_1047 - Version 2‘Bloody Good.  Quirky humor, crazy personalities, zany situations… This book has it all.’ 

‘A most wonderful book….the best book I’ve read in a while. CONGRATULATIONS Ellie Campbell you knocked it out of the park…’

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Second… our first novel HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR SISTERS is FREE from December 25th to December 29th. Treat yourself to this wonderfully warm and witty debut novel about family secrets and sibling rivalry.  Don’t forget – even if you already have it on your kindle, you can still gift it to a friend.  Or to your sisters. For FREE!

2013-12-22 14.20.27‘A great book for anyone with a sister! Heck you don’t even have to have a sister to get the humor!’ Reading Renee Reviews
‘The writing achieves the balance between lightheartedness and truth to look at family ties — cosy, lovely, messy, and uncomfortable, all tangled up — with real affection and honesty.’ Vine Voice.

http://www.amazon.com/How-To-Survive-…

Extra-special holiday pricing! Get all 3 books for under $5:DSCI0154

FREE – How to Survive Your Sisters amazon.com/dp/B00BJH2D2G

99¢ – When Good Friends Go Bad – amazon.com/dp/B00BJH2FRE

$3.99 – Looking for La La – amazon.com/dp/B00BJH29QQ

And for all those who loved LOOKING FOR LA LA and asked about a sequel… Yes, sshhh, keep it under your Santa hat, but it’s coming in the New Year.

So HAPPY HOLIDAYS to one and all…  Naughty or Nice!!!

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My Book and My Coffee: Guest Post (+ FREE eBook): BFF or Frenemy by Lorraine Campbell and Pam Burks

Posted by Ara C.T. MyBookandMyCoffee

Happy Weekend, lovelies! 🙂 Today, I am very happy to introduce Lorraine Campbell and Pam Burks, author of When Good Friends Go Bad (which is actually free this weekend in honor of National Friendship Day). They have prepared a friend-themed guest post that I’m sure you will find interesting.

You’ll definitely enjoy this one… I DID! 🙂

BFF OR FRENEMY?

Girlfriends are loyal, caring and support you through the hard times. You share secrets, heartbreaks, weep on each other’s shoulders. But what if it all goes wrong? What happens when you suspect she no longer has your best interests at heart?  In other words…When Good Friends Go Bad?

Here are a few signs that it’s time to let her go.

She’s been texting your boyfriend – and NOT to arrange your surprise birthday party.

She forwards your gossipy, bitchy, wildly indiscrete email to her entire contact list.

She chooses the fanciest restaurants, orders the most expensive wine and sticks you with the bill.

She shoplifts while you’re with her and gets you both arrested.

She crashes your car while drunk then blithely admits she has no insurance.

She uses you as her alibi then reveals to the world that the two of you were lying.

She posts a horrendous photo of you cross-eyed drunk – and uses it as her screensaver.

She offers to babysit for your vital meeting and cancels just as you’re leaving the house.

She makes a pass at your dad… in front of your mum.

She dates your brother and breaks his heart.

You can never get through on her cellphone – the bitch has blocked you.

She’s unfriended you from Facebook – do you need more clues?

****

via My Book and My Coffee: Guest Post (+ FREE eBook): BFF or Frenemy by Lorraine Campbell and Pam Burks.

Thanks to Ara for featuring us on her great website…  You can click the link to read it all and enter the giveaway.

National Friendship Day… yes, we're at it again.

We had so much fun last weekend with the kindle kindle #1 Bestsellerpromotion of Looking For La La (41,500 downloads and reaching #1 in the Kindle Top Free 100) that, hey, we’re going to do it again.

NEWSFLASH!!!!!

It’s National Friendship Day in America this Sunday, August 4th and we all know there’s nothing more valuable in life than our friends.

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To honor them and to celebrate the long-awaited launch of How To Survive Your Sisters and When Good Friends Go Bad on the US market – complete with stunning new covers by Design For Writers  –  we’re holding a three day FREE download weekend of When Good Friends Go Bad for US readers – again through Amazon.com.

Of course we know YOUR friends would never go bad but that won’t stop you enjoying the novel Chick Lit Reviews and News called ‘outstanding… unique… a fabulous read.’  (To learn more, click here.) When former friends reunite,Pudding bowl there’s  intrigue and mystery, laughter and betrayal, the agony of discovering a long-lost true love when it’s plainly too late, the knowledge that your old friends know you best of all… and the inescapable truth that inside the most staid or sophisticated of grownups lurks the wild or awkward schoolgirl of their youth.

Dates for your diary: 2nd, 3rd and 4th August only on Amazon.com 

DON’T OWN A KINDLE?

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Don’t let that put you off – Amazon provide free Kindle apps for your smartphones, iPads or computers.

*GOODREADS GIVEAWAYS*

And don’t forget, for those who’d like a FREE paperback version of Looking For La La, How To Survive Your Sisters and When Good Friends Go Bad, we are holding three GoodReads Giveaways– 2 copies of each. Sign up now for a chance to win copies of all three novels…

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Dates for your diary:  NOW until 13th August

So be kind to your friends.  Give them a hug, spread the word, and don’t forget to start downloading.  After all… 

It’s Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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